Ranking Christmas films based on how much I cried.

I’m going to preface this post by saying: I am not a film geek in the slightest. You name a film that most people should’ve watched by age 19, I most likely haven’t watched it. And if it’s outside of the ‘family and children category’, I most definitely haven’t watched it.

I use films as a comfort mechanism (which is completely okay!), meaning I will watch the same, soft, easy-to-watch film over an over rather than branching out into new films and genres. In particular, my go-to comfort genre is family Christmas films, meaning that for the last few weeks I have watched absolutely nothing BUT exactly that.

I should also have prefaced this post by saying I’m a massive crier at films and will cry at any given opportunity. And so with that being said, her is my almost-exhaustive list of popular family Christmas films ranked in order of how much they made me cry. Please enjoy - and roast me in the comments if you disagree.

The Cry-Rank

I’ve devised a points system to measure how much the film made me cry, which goes as follows:

0 - dry as a bone

1 - just the one tear at the emotional bit of the film

2 - a handful of tears

3 - cried appropriately more than once

4 - a hearty sob

5 - severe sobbing for upwards of 5 minutes

The 0's

Home Alone - 0

It’s a good film, yes, but there are no points in either of the two I’ve seen where I could imagine anyone getting at all emotional. For this reason, it comes bottom of my list, and has to be branded a harsh 0.

Love actually - 0

Next up we have the Christmas classic Love Actually. Although this doesn’t quite fit into the family category considering one of the storylines is set during the filming of a porno, it’s such a Christmas cult classic that I couldn’t not include it. Although I do love the film, it has to be a 0 for me because somehow I didn’t cry. I know, I can’t believe it either. Perhaps there were just too many storylines and too much creepiness that I couldn’t get attached to any of the characters. I also realised I don’t actually know any of the characters names, I always just called them ‘Emma Thompson’, ‘Keira Knightly’ and ‘Alan Rickman’ so there’s that too.

Dolly’s Christmas on the Square - 0

As a LOVER of Dolly, I was so excited about this film! And then I saw it starred Christine Barankski and I got even more excited! However, I am heartbroken to have to say... I didn’t love it. It was cute and all, but the first opening number went on for way too long, the acting was at times questionable, and I was left wanting more.

With that being said, it did leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling (and it stars Dolly herself which is obvious bonus points), which is why although a 0, it comes top of my ‘0’ list.

The 1's

The Muppet’s Christmas Carol - 1

I used to love this film when I was younger, perhaps not so much nowadays, but regardless I have to admit it has made me cry at least once or twice upon viewing. Although it is a good, enjoyable film, and I appreciate the family-friendly approach to teaching canonised literature to kids, the inconsistency of how it makes me feel, and the fact that I don’t cry every time, means I have to plonk it at the bottom of the 1s.

The Knight Before Christmas - 1

Now, answer me this - is it even a classic, Netflix-own, family rom-com Christmas film of it doesn’t have Vanessa Hudgens in? I’m inclined to say no. Perhaps in fact, Vanessa Hudgens is the missing piece from the puzzle which is Dolly’s Christmas on the Square.

I love this film and I will hear no criticism. But it only brought a small tear so it’s got to be a 1.

Elf - 1

Everyone loves Elf (apart from my Dad actually, which I was very upset to discover), and it does make me very happy, but emotional enough to cry? Not really that much. It gets me a bit at the end when everyone is singing, but other than that it’s really just a laughs-film.

Let it snow - 1

Another Netflix special, I loved the book when I read it a few years ago, and I love the film too. Although it did only provoke the one year at the end, which is why I’m forced to give it a 1, it does give me a warm, fuzzy feeling every single time I watch it. And my boyfriend likes this film too (which is rare of this category), which is even better as I can force him to watch it and he can only half complain!

So it’s a 1 based on the cry-rank, but it’s potentially the film I would recommend to you the most.

The 2's

The Grinch - 2

I love everything about the Grinch (original, not the new animated version), and I’m a sucker for Dr Seuss and a good bit of rhyme. And although I do cry when his heart grows three sizes, and when he’s accepted into Whoville at the end of the film, it’s not the most emotional film in the world, which is why I’m giving it a loving 2.

Nativity 2: danger in the manger - 2

The first of the Nativity’s to appear in this list, Nativity 2, despite being perhaps the worst of the four, is still a brilliant, feel-good film with a stellar cast. It gets a 2 from me, because although I did cry a handful of tears, it wasn’t an overly emotional film.

The Christmas Chronicles 1&2 - 2

The Christmas Chronicles also get a 2. Crying highlights include: when she meets the teenage-version of her dead Dad (film 2), when the brother sees his dead Dad in a bauble Santa have to him (film 1), and when they speak about their dead Dad (both films). As you can see, if you’re ever wanting to make a film which will make me cry, there seems to be a common vein you could easily pursue.

It’s a wonderful life - 2

I only recently watched this film for the first time and I have to said I loved it. I’m surprised I didn’t cry more, but regardless it did make me feel very emotional and reflective. It also reminded me of a quote from a book I read recently, ‘The Lonely Londoners’ by Sam Selvon, saying ‘People in the world don’t know how other people does affect their lives.’ This film undoubtedly comes top of the 2’s, and is one I will know be watching every year.

The 3's

A Christmas Prince - 3

The last of the Netflix special’s to appear on this list, all 3 Christmas Prince films have to be given a 3. The storylines are silly, and the prince is about as charming and attractive (in my humble opinion), and has about as much hair as Prince William himself. However, for some stupid reason it makes me cry multiple times, so I’m forced to place it at the bottom of the 3’s.

The Santa Clause - 3

I used to love these films. The thing I remember most clearly is having a big fat crush of Bernard the Elf (still kinda do) and also SOBBING at the bit where the parents say their kid can’t see his Dad/Santa anymore because he’s mentally unstable. Like what! That’s so sad! That’s not appropriate for a kids film! Big cry!

I’m also gonna lump in the other 2 films as a 3. I don’t remember exactly what happens (apart from Jack Frost transforming the North Pole into a commercial winter wonderland with a cracking Broadway opening number, which I definitely approve of) but I know I cried a similar amount.

Polar Express - 3

Finally, topping our 3’s is the Polar Express, my family’s overall favourite Christmas film which we watch every Christmas Eve. I know some people are freaked out by the uncanny animation, but I love it, it gets me all emotional at multiple points throughout, and I would highly recommend to everyone.

The 4's

Last Christmas - 4

First to enter the 4 region of our cry-rank scale is ‘Last Christmas’. I will keep this explanation short and sweet: yes, I cried a lot, but the sheer cheekiness and audacity of the filmmakers to base an entire film off of the first line of one of the most famous Christmas songs of all time, throw in a loveable British actress and just step back and watch the millions roll in means I am forced to put it at the bottom of this section.

The Holiday - 4

How could you not cry at this film? The first time I watched it I remember just being constantly in bits, and although that is less accurate upon my more recent viewings of this film, I’m still judging all the films by first watch, meaning this gets a 4. My only criticism is it’s a pretty long film, and I have a limited attention span, so it does lose me sometimes.

Nativity Rocks (the fourth one)- 4

Topping our 4 section is this consistently heavy-cry-provoking film. Without giving spoilers, an immigrant father and his son arrive from Syria and are separated. The son is accepted into St Bernadette’s school, and they try through a big, televised rock-opera to help reunite him with his dad. It also guest stars Ruth Jones, Hugh Dennis and Craig Revel Horwood. Enough said.

The 5's

White Christmas - 5

Okay, so this is a bit of a cheat as I’ve never seen the film, BUT I’ve seen and been in the stage version, which is very similar, and that made me cry like NOBODY’S BUSINESS. There’s so many moments where you can’t help but just sob, so many lovely, emotional relationships between characters, it’s just incredible. However, I haven’t actually seen the film version the whole way through, therefore it does have to come bottom of the 5’s section unfortunately.

Nativity 3 - hey dude, where’s my donkey? - 5

This film is potentially one of the five items I would choose to hypothetically take with me if I was stranded on a desert island. There’s no denying that the first hour of the film is not that good, the acting is questionable, the main storyline is unclear and gets lost under the heavy weight of a hundred different other subplots and weird happenings. HOWEVER - you cannot deny that it is heartbreaking to watch a once respectable man completely forget everything and everyone in his life, tell his motherless-daughter that he can’t be her Dad anymore because he doesn’t remember her, and break up with his fiancé by saying ‘I can’t marry you, because I don’t love you, because I don’t remember you’. That is far too heavy for a kids film!

I could genuinely ramble on forever about this film but I won’t. Instead I encourage you to watch this for yourself and you’ll see exactly what I mean. I cry buckets.

Nativity 1 - 5

And we have a winner!

The original Nativity I’m sure holds a very special place in the hearts of many British people. You sad cry, you happy cry, you proud cry. So much crying! It’s just such a feel good, emotional, real film, the child actors are brilliant and genuinely having fun, and the subplot, although wildly unbelievable, seems a lot more believable than that of any other Nativity film.

This is my ultimate comfort film, and I am therefore awarding it the title of Christmas Cry-Rank WINNER!

And with that, my Christmas film ranking is complete! If I missed any, or if you agree or disagree, please roast me in the comments.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. And well done if you got the whole way through this post!

- Hannah xxx